Is it so weird that I feel so scared because things are going well...like too well... like he's gonna break up with me soon. I can sadly see it coming. Its too good to be true. So as you can conclude I dumped the sloppy guy, and went for the gorgeous, dry kisser, which has evolved into some of the best kissing I have had. We made it offish on valentines day. Go figure that was the day that Sloppy freaked out and I had to break up with him.. again! I was so over him! Anyways, I'm dating Mr. Right and I keep getting this weird feeling, it usually comes when we're parting ways. Its usually a look like, "what am I doing.." So lately when I feel like that I start to pull away more. He's my boyfriend but I'm just waiting for him to wisen up and realize that he got into a relationship without even knowing me. I'm not dissing on myself, I know I'm a catch. Its just usually the guy figures it out after we break up. I usually get treated like shit and I put up with it forever and then I snap and end it and then the guy comes crawling back, but the thing that's different is that they will, and still are, willing to do anything to win me back. I think I'm so used to my love life sucking that its throwing me off that I think he likes me. I just hate that feeling I get when I leave. I need to have that feeling like I need to push him to go home, not the other way around. I need to get him to chase me again, I think he still kinda is, but I need to let him do it more, give him more space and time to miss me.
This is him... lovely, and of good report and praiseworthy..
Sad that I honestly don't ever see myself getting married, at least to someone I really like. Last night we were making out and I wanted to turn away and cry because it was too good to be true. And I honestly believe that, I'm the girl that people date- not marry. And I'm so tired of dating and being vulnerable.
I dont know what it is with break ups that make guys use more spit when they kiss! First off, kissing me more after saying there isn't a connection for me is not going to make me want to change my mind! Secondly, I can feel my pores clogging with saliva and start to itch drives me up the wall! Stop it! I want to yell at him but I'm pretty sure hes going mac hard is cuz he thinks he'll win me over with his sex appeal and suction cup kisses. I think I hate that more than anything. I kept looking around with that annoyed defeated stare thinking, "sucks to be me right now". I tried to be nice by saying that I just plain wasn't feeling it anymore and him saying, "okay, call me on valentines day and well work something out." I Don't Want To Go Out With You On V-Day! man, I feel kinda bad about that but I dont wanna fake it with a guy and then lead him on and have a harder break up.
Just the thought of the other guy, who I went out with last night makes me happy. I had such a good time. Best night with him so far. We went rock climbing, then when home dressed up and went out to eat, then came back for a little "spanky time" (making out) and then we went hot tubing. We made up this story about how we just got married in Vegas about 3 weeks ago because we couldn't wait anymore and were planning on getting married in the temple in the summer. We said we hadnt told anyone yet cuz both our families were crazy and we felt ok about telling them because we didnt know them. OMG it was so funny! we were acting like newly weds, it was so awesome! and then we went home and had some more spanky time and watched nacho libre and then talked/ slept in my bed till 4 and he left after making plans to watch the sunrise in the morning. so hott, except i slept in a half hour after it came up and woke him up just in time to go to work, (saved the day). It was one of those dates that made me smile all day afterward :)
So, it may not be normal to kiss 2 guys on the same day, and then start rotating each guy every other day- but I'm doing it, and it isn't the first time. Welcome to my blog.
Both are great guys and I cant decide which one I like better, probably because they are both relatively new in my life. Guy number ONE- great guy. He's mastering in music, he's an organist. To me, he looks kinda like Jason Mraz, with the personality of Jim Carey and the voice of James Stewart. We always do fun things together, we have friends that we always do things together with. But sometimes I wonder if he is too much. Also- slobbery kisses. Some times I look away and imagine a dog is slobbering all over me in this short suction cup kind of kiss. I want to say something but I don't want to hurt his feelings.
Side note: I watched Abduction tonight with him- omg that movie.. horrible plot, confusing, and I will never get those hours back in my life.
Anyways- then there's Guy number TWO- hes the more recent of the two and the chemistry is a-boomin'! Very smart and attractive, and how could he not know it. I dont like dating hott guys- here are my reasons: 1. stuck up 2. higher possibility to cheat on you (girls flaunt themselves, used to lots of attention, always looking for the greener side, etc..) 3. no personality (didnt have to try like a short or ugly guy who did and now are funny and awesome). But through all of this, I want to give him a shot. He's a nerd and seems like he's into me and I like him so far, but I'm not letting my guard down yet. I'm not stupid! He loves playing guitar and working with music and computers. Hes a pretty dang good kisser too, am I surprised? A little dry though in comparison to guy one. I realized why he always wants gum when we hang out- I can still smell him; breath not so hott. Anyways- to sum it up: I like him a lot, but don't trust him yet.
So knowing from past experiences, I need to choose one soon. I got in too deep before and got hurt. This arrangement is dangerous, but still do-able.
