Why Am I Dating You Again?

So I've come to a realization in church today. If I don't expect anything thing from anyone, I'll be happier. Sadly this realization came from my boyfriend. Sometimes I wonder why were dating, I wonder if he realizes that he makes me feel like shiz all the time by conveniently being too busy for me, not putting his arm around me, always bringing up his ex girlfriend, and I always feel lonely. Hes my boyfriend and I'm feeling lonely??! Sadly I know that if I don't expect anything from him and be free, independent, and don't plan anything that would work around him, things will work out. Do I want this kind of life? I like guys that are all about me, but sadly those guys that are- I'm not into them. This is God's form of birth control. I'm over it, I'm going to try a new goal for the next week- don't give anyone expectations, especially Harris. This goes for work and friends. Im tried of getting ditched. I need a plan B at all times. Looking back, "plan B" relationships never worked out (actually all my past relationships never worked out). But those ones died with a extra sore heart because I worked so hard for it because the guy wasn't. Why don't I just break up with him now? Save myself the heartache and the time? (oh man- time is not on my side in utah and idaho) That is a good question, one that I find myself asking daily.

So here might be another bad decision- I think I might want to step back from dating Mr. Right. He isn't treating me like he used to. My mom and my brother that I listen to the most are telling me not to say anything and let the whole thing brush over, and my friends are telling me to talk to him about how badly he is treating me. By badly I don't mean he's mean to me. He is completely forgetting about me because he is "too busy". When you look at it, he really is busy with his music, but I've been sick all weekend and still am and I never heard from him while he was working on his music in the city. I talked to him last night when he got home at MIDNIGHT for about an hour (which btw- he always has an excuse to leave before he comes and lets me know on his way over) and I didn't want to seem upset so I just played the whole thing aloof and acted like I was happy, sick, and tired. Its so hard to act happy when I'm stuck in bed all day. I want to be busier than him so I can keep up and not notice him but its too hard. I'm not in school, don't have a job that's an hour away and don't have such a time demanding hobby. I'm trying to get back into rock climbing, just signed up to take my credentialing test and am studying for my GRE exam but it doesn't even compare to how busy he is. It sucks that hes not making time for me. I want to be happy and act like everything is fine but I'm sick and not happy. He reminds me of this guy I dated when I was 16. I keep trying to imagine its that guy because I got over him, but its too hard when hes my "boyfriend". I know that if i talk to him, he will probably change for a couple weeks at the most, but if I don't and gamble that things work out.. then I'm gambling. I suck at gambling. Maybe I should just talk to him. What I would really like to do is talk to him with no feeling and emotion. Then I would feel in control and better, but I don't know if I can talk to him without emotion. He's been messing with my head all week. I just feel like he wants to have a girlfriend because hes always had a companion. That's why I don't get into relationships this fast, because they don't know know what they have and they treat me like crap. I'm sick of this shiz. He's so into himself that he is completely forgetting about me. Maybe this is my sign that he isn't the one for me. Love is easy, this is not. He definitely liked me better before we made it official. Should I talk to him or not? Should I lose my mind thinking about someone that doesnt care about me or by opposing most likely end the relationship?
"to be or not to be, that is the question: whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?"